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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Web copy - Usage - Thoughts

Category: Professional

I am trying different approaches in writing a paragraph that introduces a company.

Four lines that show what we do and how it helps our clients.

Draft One:

We conceive, design, develop, implement, and (deploy or deliver) customized xyzee solutions that simplify web-based and computer-based training for organizations.

The use of verbs:
conceive: gestate, think of an idea (should I use this verb, conceive)
design: give form to that idea
implement: follow the purpose of design
deploy: perform a remote installation
deliver: make ready for delivery
customized: should I use custom? -> made as per client specs.
simplify: make easier -> or should I use another verb? -> improve the productivity of?

If you deploy something can you deliver it? No. So one verb, either deploy or deliver. No, we don't perform a remote installation, so we don't deploy.

Draft Two:

We are a young, vibrant, and dynamic (are two or more adjectives required or is this line required at all, or young, vibrant, dynamic -> what does it have to do with the work we do?) xyzee solutions and abc creation start-up based out of (based in) Pune, India. We design and deliver custom (customized) xyzee solutions.