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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

I'm waiting for a call. I feel liking giving myself a kick on my backside. Why do I need to complicate matters. Saala Aaram ka job hai, paisa hai, bike hai sab kuch hai... why am I after another job. Why am I not doing any constructive work here. Last evening we had a conference call. I came to know about it when I was going to leave for the day. I should have stayed as an accountable team member, however I was ready to leave when I came to know about this, so I didn't wait and left for the day.
Now this is going to create complications. I am on very good terms with people in office, why do I want to create issues out of nowhere. Yaar, this is a cool job, although it's boring, nothing to do, still it's 'aaram' so why do I want to take 'Panga'? I need to take a call. Do this or do something else or else go home take rest for a week and then do something.

Now, what do I want to do? I want to leave a good job to be a schoolteacher earning Rs. 4000/- Am I mad? How can I even think about this? What about my marriage? Who will marry me? I really get crazy stuff in my mind.

My Dadi told me, only a fool would leave a job with a higher payscale and move to a job with a lower payscale. I asked her, is money the only thing in life.

In a way, yes it is, if I wouldn't have been earning what I do now, would I have ever gone to Melting Moments, Pizza Hut etc. No, I wouldn't. Money is not everything, but, money is a lot!! I have to understand this. I don't think from a social point-of-view. I am not alone, Mom, Dad, Bhai, relatives so many people are linked.

What do I want to do with my life? What should I do with my life? I like teaching, Ok, Good! I like technology. That's great.
So the best option for me would be to be an Online teacher and that field is e-learning. I'm in the field, working as a Content Developer and now I'm trying to go into the field of e-learning. I've taken a test at a company for that. They'd told me they'd be giving me a call this evening. I haven't yet received the call. I'm waiting and in the meantime, writing this.

Colleagues in office are surfing some Telugu site with pics. A Telugu song is playing in the background. Krishna, near my desk is at work. I'm at work. I was chattng online with Aparna half an hour ago. We haven't met face to face and still we can discuss so many things. Online friendship is really good friendship.

I want to write something, however, I don't want to write pessimistic things.

I need a challenge. I need to do something with my life. Should I try for the IIM's once again? Everytime I go to the IIIT Campus at Gachibowli I feel like studying. I really want to study in a top class institute. Is it too late? No, it is never late to learn.

I want to take a vacation. I need a break.
I'm thinking on two lines. Complete a month's work in a week and then leave the job. Now, if I want to leave the job then why to do the work. Stay till the 31st, take the sal. and join somewhere else. Is it wrong. It is. So what!

Yeh mai kya kar raha hu.

I'm bored in this office. We are a small group. Bahut bore kaam hai and its the same routine daily. I want to go to Bombay! I want to go to Bangalore! I don't want to work! I can think rationally and I do. Still, I don't want to implement my rational decisions. I want to go with my gut feeling!

The core of everything is I should get married. Life mai stability aa jaayega. Another thought, I haven't yet seen so many things. Let me enjoy life, then think about marriage.

I have the ability to take different alternatives to a problem and in a way that is good, however, that makes me vulnerable. I know what is good and I know what is wrong, still I don't do the thing that is good!

Do I feel that I haven't utilized my potential.
I want to be my own boss.
Will I ever be comfortable working under someone. I will be. I have to be. That is the way millions work, that is the way I should work. I'm not special! I should understand that!

Mereko teaching mai jaana hai.
The best way for me is to find another job in the field of e-learning, take that, leave this, take a break for a week, meet family and friends, get fresh and start again!

It is so simple! Yes, it is!
So who's stopping me?

No one.

Do I need to post this?? I may, as it is, I've written it!